While I wish that most people in general would stop being assholes, it’s really just wishful thinking. For some people, that’s just their natural personality. But for others, sometimes we are accidental assholes. As in, maybe we speak before we think. Or maybe we do something that later we realize wasn’t the nicest thing to do. Accidental means you’re not thinking about the possible negative outcomes before acting.
The most important part of avoiding being an asshole is being realistic with yourself and knowing what situations may trigger you to be an asshole. For example, there are certain people that I can be around that immediately set off every trigger I have. I can try to be nice and keep my distance, but chances are that if we interact at any point, one of us will be the asshole. Some situations it feels inevitable. Best advice- avoid those situations. Always put yourself first and that means avoiding interactions that put you in those situations. Don’t get along with someone? Simple- avoid them.
So here’s my 5 easy ways to avoid being an asshole in 2020.
1. Keep advice to yourself
Unless someone very clearly says, can you please give me your advice? Avoid doing so. While you may have good intentions, most of the time people are simply wanting to vent. Know your audience and if it’s someone that you’re close to and you think they really do need some advice, handle it in a constructive manner. I’m more willing to listen when someone starts a sentence with “You know what I would do?” rather than “What you need to do”. Show empathy and make sure they know that you’re only giving advice that you would take yourself. No one likes to feel like someone else is controlling them.
2. Stop Judging
Can we finally say goodbye to internet trolls? God bless, if I have to read another post about someone clapping back or throwing shade I’M going to lose my mind. If you look back to the days before social media, there wasn’t as much trash talking and judgment being openly shared. You know why? People would get their ass beat if they said the things they say on social media to someone’s actual face.
Everyone is SO quick to judge everyone else, it’s exhausting. I don’t care if a woman breastfeeds, bottle feeds, or lets the child eat dog food- just feed your child. Let’s stop shaming and judging others simply because they don’t live the same life we do. Believe it or not, there are several ways of doing things and getting the same result. Hint: 2+2=4 and 1+3=4, doesn’t matter how you get the answer if there are different ways to solve the problem.
3.Stop Playing The Victim and Being Entitled
Bad things are going to happen in life. Not a single person is exempt from this. Babies, children, teenagers, adults, elderly- we’re all bound to have bad things happen to us. But it’s how we handle it that really matters.
If you continue to play the victim or feel entitled, people are going to stop wanting to help you. I’m always willing to help someone who needs it but if you are going through the same problem over and over, without making any attempt to make it better yourself, then I don’t have time for it. I have my own problems in life.
Allow people to help when you need it and remember to pay it forward the next time you’re able to help someone else. If you feel entitled or that things are owed to you, good luck having people who stick around to help you. Focus on responsibility and taking ownership for the things that happen in your life.
4. You don’t have to like everything
There’s this funny thing about life where you get to have preferences. That means that you don’t have to like everything. Don’t like alcohol? Fine- don’t drink it. Don’t like cigarettes? Then don’t smoke them. Don’t approve of gay marriage? Not a problem! Don’t marry someone you don’t want to.
You’re allowed to like and dislike things, that’s your right. But it makes you an asshole when you try to force your beliefs on someone else. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean that you have to tell the world about it. I don’t like onions but you don’t see me ranting and raving about them 24/7. Like people for who they are, not who you want them to be.
5.Keep to your word
If you agree to do something, do it. If you offer to help someone, help them. Keep the promises that you make and be sure to follow through. If you’re not sure if you want to do it, then don’t agree to do it. Don’t allow people to think they can count on you if you’re going to let them down.
If you agree to do something and then have something else come up (enter unexpected life altering circumstance, like someone dies or you get the flu), let the other person know right away and make it up to them later by helping with something else. If you’re cancelling because something better comes along, that just makes you an asshole.
2020 is an opportunity to start fresh and form good habits. Focus on your own health and wellness and make sure you’re living the life you want to live. But don’t do so at the expense of others. If something that you’re doing has a negative impact on someone else, reconsider what you’re doing.
Move forward with the new year by spreading love and kindness, pay it forward and watch the trend catch on. Make 2020 the year you’ve been dreaming of.